American Pinot Grigio
by Fanfic.High
Summary: Three Personifications of Alaska showed up to the meeting, on to reveal that America is a sober/drunk alcoholic and the fact that America and Russia have no idea how to keep their pants on and a little girl who can't decide on the name Chelsey or Kelly... It's Chelsey...


Still not high…

* * *

It was a world meeting, everything was going fine and nations weren't actually arguing for once, and it was England's turn, and he was telling a story with the room to make good conversation.

It was boring as fuck, and America was getting sick of it.

"Holy fuck England…" Everyone turned their heads to America who had the most serious look on his face, "Me and Russia have been officially ignoring you for the last seventeen minutes." The Russian nation couldn't help but nod, the nation that could sleep with his eyes open.

"Oi! You git, why don't you like my story!" England gave a sad face.

"Aww because wittle Engwand, your stories suck." America cooed in a baby voice.

Nations didn't really nod, they were just too shocked to notice how Romano he has become, like seriously, he is being Romano but the Romano not afraid to be afraid.

Before anyone could answer, the door opened and closed with three kids walking in.

"Alfred, we got done organizing your hard liquor cabinet in alphabetical order." A ginger said.

"Oh now, what the hell are you shits doing here?" America asked getting up from his seat and walking over towards the kids, while a brunette with a pink streak in her hair was holding up her smartphone with it on record.

"What the hell do you need! I am busy insulting people with my amazing good looks." What looks like the youngest one handed America a bottle of Jack Daniels.  
"I don't know where this went, so I am giving it to you to drink." The American smiled and opened the bottle.  
"Thank you Chesta, I have been needing it all day." Alfred takes a swig.  
"It's Chelsey." The blond squeaking voice annoying thing answered.

…..And England had to speak up…..

"Who the hell are these people, and where did they come from!?" England demanded.

"Well, Skipper said we came out of daddy, but daddy says that we came out of someone else making us his little sisters, but I am not supposed to say anything, and I am not quite sure what that means."

"Wait, wasn't your name Kelly?" Russia asked.

"Yeah, but CumDuff_tK said that to be my name, but then she watched way too many videos on the internet to really care, and everyone forgets anyways…" Chelsey explained to the Russian who nodded.

"Why ze hell does she look like she's six?" France asked, patting the kids head.

"I am the youngest personification of Alaska and the writer thought that me being more blond will make me seem stupid, when I am actually smart."

America had to interrupt the conversations. "ALRIGHT YOU DEMON SPAWNS, How about you INTRODUCE yourselves." The kids nodded.  
The one that looked emo went first. "Hi, I am Skipper, I don't know what drugs Dad and Russia were on at the time to name me that. Also the first personification of Alaska." Her Emo deep voice explained.

"I am Stacy, I am the organizer of the family, and the second personification of Alaska." The ginger held up a list of groceries they needed to get. "Which reminds me… we need, color pencils, bread, school clothes, makers, notebooks, binders, glitter glue, condoms-" Stacy abruptly stopped.  
"What the hell do you need condoms for?" America asked, a little concerned.

"How do you think your and Russia's stocks keeps getting replenished?" Skipper asked looking away from her phone.

"God forbid us from raising one of your 'little sisters' again."

"Great work team!" Alfred laughed.

Stacy sighed, continuing her list. "Anyways, Hairspray, headbands, and hair ties, anyone got that?"

"If I have to be honest, I started and stopped listening after condoms." America laughed as he took the last swig of his Jack Daniels.

With hope in her face, Stacy turned to Skipper who was on her phone, "Skipper…" She warned.

"Finnnee… we need bread, school markers, glitter condoms and head ties."

Giving out an annoyed sigh, Stacy scowled, "Waste of my breath good thing I write stuff down."

"LETS INTRODUCE KELSEY!" America said with a fake happy smile.

"Its Chelsey. I am the third and youngest personification of Alaska."

She smiled and waved.  
"Why ze hell are there three of you?" Germany asks to the little girl, while Italy pets her head and talks about how adorable she is.  
"Well, Skipper says that our daddies didn't know how to keep their pants on during the Cold War, but I am not quite sure what that means." America covered her mouth as quickly as he could.

"He also didn't and still doesn't know what a condom is and was." Russia mumbled.

"WE WERE DRUNK YOU ASSHOLE!" America yelled at the Russian.

"YOU were drunk, I WAS sober!" The Russian yelled getting out his Magic Metal Pipe of Pain.

"THEN YOU COULD HAVE PUT THE CONDOM ON YOURSELF COMMIE BITCH!"  
"CAPITALIST PIG!" 

"Nein, ve should just calm down." Germany to calm the nation's that were fighting down."

"MY BEEF ISN'T WITH YOU IT'S WITH HIM, BUT IF YOU WANT I CAN ADD A SIDE OF MASHED POTATO'S!"

"Vergiss es…(1)" Germany backed down.

"IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A DRUNK PIG AMERIKA YOU WOULD ACTUALLY HAVE A LIFE."

"CAN IT YOU COMMIE BEFORE I SHOVE YOUR PIPE SO FAR UP YOUR ASS, YOU BLEED OUT AND DIE!"

"CAPITILIST PIG!"

"FINE RUSSIA, YOU KNOW WHAT- give me a second, I'm just going to powder my nose…" America walked out the room.

"NYET… Oh, da, I shall wait."

They sat in silence before France spoke up.

"America and Russia have sex?" The frenchman asked, while Skipper started laughing hysterically.

"Its love hate sex, but I know once they used a lemon and straws, I am still wondering what the lemon was for, but the straw is kinda…"

Before Skipper could finish her sentence, America walked back in with a crate of liquor, all kinds.

He then sat down in a meeting chair and opened a bottle.

"You know what's funny?"

"Si! What is it?" Italy asked.

"The fact that my day doesn't start until I drink two and ahalf bottles of Pinot Grigio(2)." Guess that is what he's drinking.

"The other funny thing is that I can be so drunk, that I think I'm sober, until I walk into a straight line. One time I tripped into a bowl of garlic and thought it was in a pool."

The nation's gave a look of 'eww…'

"Couldn't get the smell out of that outfit for eight months…"

Eventually it turned to be a drunk mess with America, who started making out with Russia against the wall with Skipper filming it…

Yes… A normal day.


End file.
